I can't believe it I had my first patient last night
That was sorta fine when I got on
Then suddenly it was four in the fckin morning
I never left the fckin room
Bustin my ass
Tryin to keep this person alive
Than all my efforts went down the drain
WTF!!
I wanted to cry there
The family members there
The alarms keep going off everytime I silence them
The tension in my shoulders
Holding back my tears hearing the family members fall apart behind me
Tryin to concentrate doin fckin calculations
Programming the pumps
Putting everything together
Waitin for the residents to decide what to do
I wanted to quit last night
I wanted to say fck this
I dont get paid enough
I want a fckin easy ass job
where nobody special is gonna die
I dont' know
I thought maybe this was for me
I dont know
My manager pulled me aside and said Congratulations you just graduated into the TSICU
I'm fckin exhausted
I wish there was someone here to rub my feet and tell me everything is gonna get easier
but I dont
only myself
cant wait to go out tonite
blow off some steam with the homies