my schedule sucks this month
i can't believe i'm turning 29 next weekend
i dont think i've accomplished much this past year
made tons of mistakes
whats new huh
so july is coming up
i'm ready to travel
just ready for a change
i just feel like there is so much this world has to offer
and i'm not taking advantage of it
my co worker just left for austin texas
i call her my betty boop kat von d friend
she is all tatted up
always wearing long sleeves to work
an awesome nurse
but living her in jax
there's not much of her crowd here
i just talked to her
its only been 3 weeks
she said she lovesitandnotcomingback
she is like me has a condo
enjoys the routine here but not really
she's by herself
and is already plannin to go to los angeles in three months
man i cant wait
i cant wait to explore new cities
museums
history
libraries
beaches
trees
everything i enjoy doing
i'm not happy here
people yes i don't have that much friends
now that i think about it
been keepin it kinda small now a days
memae and i just realized that when we were plannin our bday weekend
we were like damn its like only six people
i guess getting older its quality not quantity
i dont want anything big
just wanna be surrounded by the people that make me feel good

just had a conversation with someone about being noble
seriously he thought his friend who did some work at a domesticated violence shelter
was noble
i was like well was she a counselor or what
he didnt know
but knowing her she was probably a secretary
i was like i'm sorry thats not noble
i know it sounds snobby or arrogant but seriously
if your not there with them by their side than i dont know
i guess maybe he forgot about my past with my parents
how we were victims for what till i was 18
we never went to a shelter
we survived without a counselor

i dont know i consider nurses noble
especially where i work now
i look back and wonder how i use to think where i use to work was so hard
yah fckinright
man peanuts for real
nobody really died
it was all about pain meds pain med making sure they got what they needed
ya i learned about trauma injuries but when they were stable
but now
buddy
its on another level
my brain hurts when i leave
its like now work is like school
those questions you didn't get right
you hope you get them right when making a decision on what to do when a patient
is going in the wrong direction
i really plan on writing thank you letters to some of my teachers and mentors when i leave

i watched awake
wtf
makes me think
i do that shit everyday
paralyzing patients
sedating them
monitoring them
seeing tears fall
more pain meds
more sedatives
makes me wonder if they aren't sedated enough
even if their vital signs are stable
no tears are coming out
interesting
so i know in the end since i do that all the time at work
i'mjust gonna end up doing crna
get paid double or triple the money
when i get done traveling

so ive taken an interest in reading bios
i just got done reading one on bob marley
one fact i learned
his father was a white man from england who was 65
his mother was a jamaican who was 16
she had bob when she was 18
yes yes everyone
i couldnt believe it
and that song
turn your lights down low
was written for the lady he had an affair with behind bunny
later had a child with this white lady
yes i hate that song now
weird huh
next is coltrane
havent heard his music
but there are tons of it at the library
damn 29 yrs old
i got one year to live up my last year in my twenties

the clock is fckin ticking and i hope to God
i'm married and pregnant by the time Im 33 or 32
i know right i'm crazy
but thats how i've been feeling
let me just travel first
before i settle down
cause once that gets done
if it ever does
my time will go to my family

butterfly fest this sat!!!
yay!!