now that i officially graduated from the critical care fellowship i feel like i need to relax
i need a massage
i need a facial
i need a wax
i need to get away
i need someone to crack my back
i need some really good wine
i need a good meal
i need a good laugh
i need a good time
i need to pray
i need to remember
i need to let go

Now that I'm done, the true training has begun where I work
6 level 1 traumas in the past three days
I've seen some stuff I am numbed by it
You can only be cold for so long when you witness things and are part of it
Death
Witnessing it is surreal
Driver's license of someone who just died made me feel uncomfortable
Watching mothers and family members see their loved ones for the first and last time after a traumatic event makes me insanely depressed
So I'm practicing being numb
Getting pretty good at it
But because of that a lot of " I needs" comes out of it

Glad to be off for four days
I love it and hate it at the same time
I like when the patient comes from the trauma center or operating room and chaos begins
Getting report from another nurse before they run up consists of
"Multiple stabbings, self inflicted, open abdomen, cracked chest open started amiodarone drip hurry the fck up down here we are coming!!!"
I lost count of how many times the F Bomb was screamed out during a resuscitation
I like working quickly and my adrenalin pumping
I enjoy looking at the monitor and watching our numbers go up and down from something we did
I enjoy cleaning up after all that chaos and looking at the person knowing I helped that person get through that one hour hahah
that one hour
just to live another hour
damn