The last two days at work has been trying. Yesterday from the moment I walked in at 645 am to 1100am I was stuck in a room working non stop on a patient. I had to ask for help from my coworkers to check on my other patient. I was sweating, nervous, determined and it was so much that I wanted to just cry and go home. I thought fck dude I don't need this shit right now I'm tired and its only been four hours. Its like everything I learned in nursing school thats a bad sign on your assessment happens all the time in the trauma surgical intensive care unit. I'm looking for a pulse in the radial I think ok weak and thready. I check the pedal pulse I'm like I can't feel shit, I call my preceptor she can't feel shit to. Get the doppler YES we got a signal. Cap refill is like six seconds. This patient was diaphoretic and the abdomen is moving like crazy trying to breath. I'm looking at the monitor alarms keep goin off every other min. Blood pressure is like 115/70 than 90/60 than 85/45. I start breathing hard and getting a headache from thinking of all the possible things to do before the residents come and help but they are next door with a trauma 1 patient that just walked threw the door. Friday nite was prom for a handfull of schools. Busy like a mutha fcka!!!

I'm trying hard everyday to be desensitized but I'm not there yet. There's a row of patients we call death row. Thats bad huh.

There's a room that I always saw people leaving crying. I had my first taste of the room on Friday. I didnt really wanna go. I was like why do I have to go????!!! Joy your the nurse and you have to hear the bad news the surgeons tell the family members so we are all on the same page. I sat there looking at the floor feeling my cell phone vibrate trying to be numb. Trying to be invisible. Feeling bad for not being sensitive to the family members feelings. Watching the trauma psychologist hug and hold their hand while they break down in tears. I hate that room but my manager told me to suck it up and get use to it. She's like its the summer and we are short handed and this when shit hits the fans here on TSICU. I'm like great I graduate from this program in June Go me.

I heard a Coldplay song at Chilis today. It made me sad. You do everything to be there for someone and usually I don't get it back in return. Its fine I don't expect it. I guess thats why I blog. Everyone is to busy to listen to me bitch about work....But recently its psst me off and I thought you know what never again Joy never again. Don't waste your time. Gettin used and abused....Fck it

I worked out legs today with gym boy. He about died after the third set of squats. I'm like bitch we got three more sets to go. When we did walking lunges he almost fell on his face it was funny....Then afterwards I slept for four hours...What a great way to spend my one day off....

I watched the IFL last night. International Fight League....MMA in the ring not a cage. Those boys kicked ass. The fights were actually better than UFC....So UFC bought Pride is that true?? I love Pride. Those guys are bad ass...Now where to find one in town? I have no clue...